perfect

I don't know what's wrong with me sometimes. Yesterday at church, I was just sitting at the newcomers table writing someones card when I saw something that made me erupt with jealousy and annoyance. I put my head down on the table to try to block everything out, but before I knew it, I was overcome with a sudden rush of terrible, senseless emotion and I found tears rolling down my eyes. I dont want to go into details here, but I just felt so useless and unwanted by everyone. I guess people started noticing that I was crying because soon enough everyone started crowding around me, patting my head and caressing my back. As nice as it felt to know that people cared for me, I couldn't help but to feel disgusted. I hate that throughout these past few months, so many different people have seen me so broken, have seen me cry on numerous occasions. I don't like that people look at me and label me as someone who cries easily, someone who is so weak. But come to think about it, every show has it's own inexorable, destined end. This facade that I've been displaying to everyone around me is slowly slipping and I'm afraid that with it, I'm losing my mind as well.