stressed stressed so stressed, i need to get away.

Mr. A-Z

Am I the only one who sees this terrible and selfish side to you? I'm starting to realize what a deceptive person you are. Sometimes you disgust the hell out of me with your chiaroscuro personality but I won't say anything for time being. Just keep in mind, karma's only an ass if you are.

here, here, and here

It's all too often nowadays that I find myself asking where in the world the time has gone.. It's already finals week, meaning that in just just a few days, I'm going to be skipping into the lovely world of second semester junior year. It seems like summer was only yesterday. Oh sweet sweet summer.
June, when I was counting down the days till the end of sophomore year, when I was so damn excited to hit up Barnes and Nobles every day and study for the SATs. July, when I actually studied by myself, when I stayed at open gym at church till late at night on Sundays and when I was left bored all too many times as my friends diligently attended prep schools.. August, when half my life was centered around Ecclesia and the other half was intent on making the best out of the few days of freedom left while secretly hoping for school to start.. September, when I promised myself that I would make the best out of junior year.. I still remember on the first day of school, I was riding the bus with a friend, and I recall telling her that I hoped junior year would go by as quickly and painlessly as possible, yet at the same time I would be willing to relive it again and again, only because after that we would only have another year left in high school.
These past six months have honestly been some of the most excruciating months of my (teenage) life, I would like to say. From trying to fix my ruined GPA to trying to maintain a somewhat existent social life with the dread of the SATs always looming over me, I haven't been in the clearest state of mind. I've let some things preside over others and let others linger for more than their welcomed stay. Without going into too much detail, I think that throughout these past three or four months, my mental state of being has been thrashed and broken more times that I can count. I've made the mistake of trusting someone with so much, only to be disappointed and let down when I realized that they apparently don't hold the value of words to the same degree as I do. Empty reassurances, empty comforts, empty promises.
I don't really know where I'm going with this post, as per usual. However, since it is the beginning of something new (insignificant as it may seem) I think I will propose some changes to myself, and try to alleviate some of these burdens from my back so that I can live properly.

castle walls

I'm taking the SATs (for the second time) in under twelve hours!! I pray that I break 2100 hahahah :o!

life lessons

Dearest friends,
We are all so terribly selfish. By the love of God, when will we ever learn to place others before ourselves?! Your constant influx of disappointment (that, of course, you never fail to list out to the public along with whiny commentary) is sure to cease if only you would look at things from a different perspective. Try to do something for someone else for a change (without bragging about it to people), maybe you will see the light.

Yours truly,
An equally terrible friend.

musings

Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him.

1Corinthians 1: 26-29

came to my rescue

God.. If this is going where I think it is going, then you are absolutely insane. INSANE!

ignore-moi

Fait comme s'il n'y avait jamais rien eu entre nous deux et continue ta route,
Oublie moi désormais,

Fait comme s'il ne s'était rien passé
Et accorde un laisser-passé à cette pauvre idiote qui t'aimais.

La prochaine fois que tu me vois,
Ignore moi, ignore moi.

Fait comme si tu me connaissais pas
Fait comme si j'existais pas
De grâce, ne me laisse aucun espoir.
Fait comme si tu m'avais jamais vu
Fait comme si je n'existais plus
Je préfère l'enfer au purgatoire.

La prochaine fois que tu me vois,
Ignore moi, ignore moi.

Fait comme si j'étais une étrangère,
A l'avenir je te suggère, chéri, ceci: ignore moi

La prochaine fois que tu me vois,
Ignore moi, ignore moi.

Fait sa pour moi,
La prochaine fois que tu me vois,
Ignore moi, ignore moi.

free fallin'

So today didn't end up being a snow day after all.. but it was, because I made it one! Hahaha I skipped school with my brother today because it was absolutely pointless to go to school in this horrendous weather and I knew that I would probably regret going later on anyways. It turned out to be a much needed day off. I woke up early (for once hallelujah) and began to make my flashcards for Latin when Glenn asked me to go shovel my neighbor's sidewalk with him. After an hour and a half of work, I ended up with $20 bucks in my pocket! Whoo-hoo for being paid to do manual labor instead of wasting away in school! My parents took us to eat at Harvest Buffet after, and even though the food wasn't as good as it usually is, we had a pretty filling meal. After, my mom went to go do the laundry, and the place happened to have installed a new arcade game, you know the ones where you keep putting in coins and it piles up and you get to keep whatever you push off of the tray? So Glenn and I got hooked to it, and we went from gaining a 100% profit (of $2) to losing $10 in thirty minutes. I think this was my first "official" experience with gambling and losing money. It was really really addicting, and towards the end we were both digging our pants AND jacket pockets for money to play some more. Hahah that was pretty ridiculous. Never again, I learned my lesson! I don't really recall doing much after that.. I just bummed at home and read Shakespeare and watched Jeopardy with my family. What a lovely day. Now, if only I didn't have to study for my upcoming French and Latin tests, both of which I need to ace in order to maintain my current average.. :(

hello

Blogspot! My first love, mon amour! :) I am back after leaving you for Tumblr. Wow, can you believe it, it's been over a year and a half since I last posted here. So many things have happened since then, and quite frankly I'm a little too tired to go into a lengthy story of my life since the August of 2009. Life has been okay though, not too shabby hehe. I'm going to go sing and jouer de la guitare avec mon frere, so I bid you adieu!