I wanna live life, never be cruel,
I wanna live life, be good to you.
I wanna fly, never come down,
And live my life,
And have friends around.
We never change, do we?
We never learned to leave,
So I wanna live in a wooden house,
I wanna live life, always be true,
I wanna live life, and be good to you,
I wanna fly, and never come down,
And I live my life, and have friends around.
We never change do we? No, no,
We never learned to bleed,
So I wanna live in a wooden house,
Making more friends would be easy.
O I don't have a show to say,
Yes, and I sing of a single day,
We never change do we?
We never learned to leave.
So, I wanna live life in a wooden house,
Making more friends would be easy,
I wanna live where the sun comes out
Monday, February 27, 2012
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Ecclesia 12
Hmm.. How can I write about Ecclesia without revealing too much?
Well, first and foremost, this was my 8th and last Ecclesia. How bittersweet. Throughout the past four years, I have seen Ecclesia transform and change the lives of dozens of people. While the retreat event itself has also changed in many ways, its results are always the same- God always prevails. I walked in this Sunday with the determined "let's give it my all" mindset that seniors tend to have, and I think for the most part, all went well. I still can't believe that I won't be able to serve at another Ecclesia for a long time (maybe even ever..), and while I know that God's works can't be confined to a simple retreat, I have grown so attached to so many aspects of Ecclesia that I know I won't be able to let go of this feeling for a while. It pains me to say this, but I must keep my head up and move on. God has greater things planned for the future!!
Anyways, delving a little more into my personal experience, I think this was one of the toughest ones for me as an individual. Some of my past Ecclesias have definitely been mentally and spiritually draining, but I toiled so much physically and emotionally during this one. My particular area of service required me to do so much physical work, and don't mistake this as whining, but it did get pretty demanding at times. I developed two styes on one eye on the first night, and I was so so so afraid that it would be an obstacle to me during the retreat. For a good ten minutes, I prayed that God would heal my eyes and not let them become a hindrance to me. HE DID IT! Literally, the next day, they were gone. How do you even explain that... Anyways, I also caught a nasty cold during the second day, and my immune system has basically died since then. I'd much rather have this than the styes though, so I'll be fine!
Emotionally.. blah. I walked into this Ecclesia with a lot of bitterness towards a fellow helper, something that I should've definitely resolved before the retreat, but my particular situation calls for something more than just a simple apology, and I don't think my heart was (or is) ready for just yet. It was honestly my biggest barrier in serving, and at times, I was filled with a terrible, black anger that nobody should ever feel towards another person. Even during the sweetest moments, my eyes shed tears of sorrow for not being able to fully revel in God's joy. I won't ever know how things would've turned out if I resolved the issue before Ecclesia started, but now it is too late for that and there is no use worrying myself with the past. In all honesty, I am still very bitter and angry, and I'm just waiting on God to answer my prayers of reconciliation. We'll see where that goes.
Overall though, it was such a sweet, sweet four days, and I wouldn't take them back for the world. I grew close with so many of my brother and sisters in Christ, and it was the biggest blessing to see others being blessed. I can't wait to see what God has in store for this group of candidates and helpers.
Is that it? Mmm.. I think so. I'll keep the rest engraved in my heart :)
Well, first and foremost, this was my 8th and last Ecclesia. How bittersweet. Throughout the past four years, I have seen Ecclesia transform and change the lives of dozens of people. While the retreat event itself has also changed in many ways, its results are always the same- God always prevails. I walked in this Sunday with the determined "let's give it my all" mindset that seniors tend to have, and I think for the most part, all went well. I still can't believe that I won't be able to serve at another Ecclesia for a long time (maybe even ever..), and while I know that God's works can't be confined to a simple retreat, I have grown so attached to so many aspects of Ecclesia that I know I won't be able to let go of this feeling for a while. It pains me to say this, but I must keep my head up and move on. God has greater things planned for the future!!
Anyways, delving a little more into my personal experience, I think this was one of the toughest ones for me as an individual. Some of my past Ecclesias have definitely been mentally and spiritually draining, but I toiled so much physically and emotionally during this one. My particular area of service required me to do so much physical work, and don't mistake this as whining, but it did get pretty demanding at times. I developed two styes on one eye on the first night, and I was so so so afraid that it would be an obstacle to me during the retreat. For a good ten minutes, I prayed that God would heal my eyes and not let them become a hindrance to me. HE DID IT! Literally, the next day, they were gone. How do you even explain that... Anyways, I also caught a nasty cold during the second day, and my immune system has basically died since then. I'd much rather have this than the styes though, so I'll be fine!
Emotionally.. blah. I walked into this Ecclesia with a lot of bitterness towards a fellow helper, something that I should've definitely resolved before the retreat, but my particular situation calls for something more than just a simple apology, and I don't think my heart was (or is) ready for just yet. It was honestly my biggest barrier in serving, and at times, I was filled with a terrible, black anger that nobody should ever feel towards another person. Even during the sweetest moments, my eyes shed tears of sorrow for not being able to fully revel in God's joy. I won't ever know how things would've turned out if I resolved the issue before Ecclesia started, but now it is too late for that and there is no use worrying myself with the past. In all honesty, I am still very bitter and angry, and I'm just waiting on God to answer my prayers of reconciliation. We'll see where that goes.
Overall though, it was such a sweet, sweet four days, and I wouldn't take them back for the world. I grew close with so many of my brother and sisters in Christ, and it was the biggest blessing to see others being blessed. I can't wait to see what God has in store for this group of candidates and helpers.
Is that it? Mmm.. I think so. I'll keep the rest engraved in my heart :)
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Monday, February 6, 2012
every teardrop is a waterfall
Today is one of those days when I want to fast forward into the future. Today I am feeling tired and sad and weary and stressed out. Today I am coming to many sad realizations and I am finding that I have no means of escaping from any of them. Today I want to move far, far away and start over. Today I am thinking that it is time for change. Today is difficult.
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