Dear God,
I have struggled for so long not to fall back to this state again. From the very moment that I realized that my love for the world was starting to outweigh my love for You, I knew that I needed to fix myself soon. If I didn't, You would do it for me, just like you did last year. You love me too much to see me wasting away on the ephemeral things of the world, and my innate stubbornness always left me hanging on until the very last second. In fact, just a few weeks ago, I shed tears because I felt like the time was coming. I was slowly starting to lose sight of You, and I cried. I cried in fear, because I knew that You had the ability to strip away from me everything and anything that I loved and cared about, just to see me return into Your arms. Well, I guess I'm in that place again, Lord. My selfish, greedy, and innately naive nature has pushed me down on my knees again, in the lowest of the lows. In such a short span of time, my life has been tossed and turned, crushed and burned. I have lost so many things. My initial reaction, as usual, was bitterness and frustration. All I could do was weep and wallow in my own, despicable self pity. But funnily enough, in the midst of my sorrow, I remembered last year. Everything that happened, the entirety of the harrowing process that led me back to You. And I decided that this time, I wouldn't take so long. There's absolutely no use crying over spilled milk, right? So now, I come to you once again. My arms are high and my heart is abandoned. I have nothing left to offer you but myself. At this particular fragment in my life, I literally have nothing left that will take Your place in my heart. I am broken and empty-handed, but I am alive in Your hands. Take me as I am. I'm sorry I keep going back to the same things over and over. I'm sorry it takes me so long to learn such simple lessons. My heart breaks for all that I have lost to my selfishness, but I know that Your heart must break even more every time I turn my back to you. It's been a tough road, but I'm here now, Lord. Thank you.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Sunday, January 8, 2012
God is able
Life is currently in the process of chewing me to shreds and spitting me out. Nothing is quite as it should be, but I will take heart because being a baby about it isn't going to solve anything.
God is with us
He will go before
He will never leave us
God is for us
He has open arms
He will never fail us
Lifted up
He defeated the grave
Raised to life
Our God is able
In His name
We overcome
For the Lord
Our God is able
God is with us
He will go before
He will never leave us
God is for us
He has open arms
He will never fail us
Lifted up
He defeated the grave
Raised to life
Our God is able
In His name
We overcome
For the Lord
Our God is able
Saturday, January 7, 2012
almost lover
”I think you could fall in love with anyone if you saw the parts of them that no one else gets to see. Like if you followed them around invisibly for a day and you saw them crying in their bed at night or singing to themselves as they make a sandwich or even just walking along the street and even if they were really weird and had no friends at school, I think after seeing them at their most vulnerable you wouldn’t be able to help falling in love with them. ”
Sunday, January 1, 2012
brighter than sunshine
Ahhhhhhhhh! Where do I even start...
Christmas
T'was a nice one this year. It was on a Sunday, so we just went to church, and Ivy came over afterward. Usually, we would go to the city or to a family friend's house, but we decided to keep it low-key and peaceful this time around. Although it wasn't anything special, it was a sweet Christmas.
Retreat
Retreat 2011 was definitely an interesting one. From the very first day, God was really working inside of my mind, mentally breaking down the walls that were holding me back from Him. It was difficult, to say the least, and I shed lots of tears along the way, but the feeling of genuinely asking Him for forgiveness and returning into His arms is one that is unmatched. On the last night, there was a really impromptu worship session, and it was insane. The entire chapel was ringing with pure joy. I can only pray that God will continue to shower me with such blessings in the future. Overall, while I did struggle with things here and there, "Lights, Camera, Action!" proved to be a huge learning experience and time of beautiful fellowship with PYM/TAG.
End of 2011
To celebrate New Years Eve, the senior guys and girls decided to a kind of spontaneous hangout (ok, not that spontaneous but still) and we ended up eating at 중국집 and going to NRB for two hours after. It was really fun, actually. I was able to let loose and really enjoy myself for those few hours. Afterwards, we went to our ghetto soiree and had the countdown with the adults at the New Year's Eve service.
It would take a light year to even begin to describe what has happened in my life throughout 2011, and I regret to say not all of it has been smiles and sunshine. God has walked with me through a multitude of trials, and while there have been points where I almost fell completely off the path, I am leaving the year safe in His arms. Life still isn't perfect, and I'm still learning lots of things, but it has been a blessed year overall. 2011 put me through some of the toughest moments in my life, but I emerge victorious, because I have the Creator by my side. Our God is able! Cheers to an even better and love-filled 2012.
Christmas
T'was a nice one this year. It was on a Sunday, so we just went to church, and Ivy came over afterward. Usually, we would go to the city or to a family friend's house, but we decided to keep it low-key and peaceful this time around. Although it wasn't anything special, it was a sweet Christmas.
Retreat
Retreat 2011 was definitely an interesting one. From the very first day, God was really working inside of my mind, mentally breaking down the walls that were holding me back from Him. It was difficult, to say the least, and I shed lots of tears along the way, but the feeling of genuinely asking Him for forgiveness and returning into His arms is one that is unmatched. On the last night, there was a really impromptu worship session, and it was insane. The entire chapel was ringing with pure joy. I can only pray that God will continue to shower me with such blessings in the future. Overall, while I did struggle with things here and there, "Lights, Camera, Action!" proved to be a huge learning experience and time of beautiful fellowship with PYM/TAG.
End of 2011
To celebrate New Years Eve, the senior guys and girls decided to a kind of spontaneous hangout (ok, not that spontaneous but still) and we ended up eating at 중국집 and going to NRB for two hours after. It was really fun, actually. I was able to let loose and really enjoy myself for those few hours. Afterwards, we went to our ghetto soiree and had the countdown with the adults at the New Year's Eve service.
It would take a light year to even begin to describe what has happened in my life throughout 2011, and I regret to say not all of it has been smiles and sunshine. God has walked with me through a multitude of trials, and while there have been points where I almost fell completely off the path, I am leaving the year safe in His arms. Life still isn't perfect, and I'm still learning lots of things, but it has been a blessed year overall. 2011 put me through some of the toughest moments in my life, but I emerge victorious, because I have the Creator by my side. Our God is able! Cheers to an even better and love-filled 2012.
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