something more

In approximately 12 hours (11:00 am sunday morning) I will be heading off on a roadtrip with my family. This will be a very much needed vacation, away from New York and all it's terribly binding chains. Hopefully I'll be able to update periodically :) This will by my virtual journal throughout the trip, almost. Yay, excited!!

the remedy

Okay.. So I'm not one to rant on public domain, but I can't stand this any longer. I realize that I'm probably thinking from a very biased and selfish point of view, but I don't even care anymore. And I hate it when people-

you and i both

So.. Today is my parent's anniversary :)
It was nice to be enlightened after.. 17 years!

secrets

I need another story
Something to get off my chest
My life gets kind of boring
Need something that i can confess
Till all my sleeves are stained red
From all the truth that I've said

violet hill

Today I had a terrible day at work. After, I went out to dinner with Ivy and her family to celebrate her birthday :). I felt very special and I even got tricked into eating frog legs, freaking gross. I cant believe I have frogs in my system haha but I had a good day.

Anyways, this is a post dedicated to all my friends. I have one universal message for them: You all are herbs :(.

awakening

I am happy to see you happy. It may not seem like it at the moment, as I am only human and I can't help but to be envious and a little confused. But really, I am. I've waited an eternity to see you reach this point. Please, stay like this :). Thank you, God.

rhythms of grace

I went to watch Harry Potter with Glenn today. I had originally planned to watch it with Lois and Donna, but I had a crazy dream about HP today and I was too hyped to wait for it :(. It was a little rushed, but awesome nonetheless, and concluded the series brilliantly. Glenn and I usually dont go out together often unless we're with our parents, so I particularly enjoyed this "date" with my brother :). I bought him a frapp at Starbucks and he bought us fries from Five Guys to eat during the movie. Afterwards, my parents picked us up and we went to go eat italian ices, nomonomnom!

Time to read Crazy Love by Francis Chan now! Whoohooo, I'm excited~

kiss the rain

Glad you weren't here yesterday.

le petit prince

Vous êtes belles, mais vous êtes vides.... On ne peut pas mourir pour vous.

------------

J'aime bien les couchers de soleil. Allons voir un coucher de soleil..

speak now

Ugh. What a weird day. I feel like I just got off of a twelve hour emotional roller coaster ricde. Donna's boss asked her to bring another friend to help her out in the showroom today so she asked me and I decided to go, even though I wasn't sure if I was getting paid or not (although I did, yay). I ended up working like a dog, running errands, and listening to some crazy lady get into fights with all of her coworkers. There were several times when I was very close to just walking out and leaving but I just clamped my mouth shut and worked even harder because I didnt want to look silly in front of a bunch of people that I didn't know. During our lunch break, Donna and I ate at woorijip and got Red Mango after, which made me a little happier. But I think the highlight of the day came when we went eye shopping in Herald Square before leaving for home. She and I went to Lush cosmetics store because I wanted to go inside and check out their homemade stuff, and we were a little intimidated at first cause everything was so freaking expensive and the store was really small. We were confused and kind of lost, but the employees there were absolutely wonderful, and this one girl in particular was an absolute darling. She was so so so so sweet and showed us around the entire store, explaining every single product and recommending what she thought would be best for us. We ended up each buying some facewash and face masks, and she even included generous samples of some of the other goods that we wanted to buy. Ah, I love meeting nice people like that :) I ended up taking the train home with Donna instead of the LIRR and we met Dan Ha, so the three of us just talked the entire way home. But then in main street a rather unfortunate situation occurred and now I'm sitting at home feeling like a massive pile of cowdung.

see you soon

Today was a brilliant day! MY love Ivy came back, and after church, she, sharon and I watched Horrible Bosses, which is a HILARIOUS movie. I literally almost peed in my pants laughing half the time. It was really crude humor but funny nonetheless. And on top of that, it was my first ever rated R movie haha yes, I am pretty damn pathetic. Afterwards, I went to open gym with sharon and ivy and played a little and just bummed for the most part. T'was a very pleasant day =).

dear john

Long were the nights when
My days once revolved around you
Counting my footsteps
Praying the floor won’t fall through, again
My mother accused me of losing my mind

But I swore I was fine

You paint me a blue sky
And go back and turn it to rain
And I lived in your chess game
But you changed the rules everyday
Wonderin’ which version of you I might get on the phone, tonight
Well I stopped pickin’ up and this song is to let you know why

Dear John, I see it all now that you're gone

Don't you think I was too young

To be messed with
The girl in the dress

Cried the whole way home, I should've known.

Well maybe it’s me
And my blind optimism to blame
Or maybe it’s you and your sick need
To give love and take it away

And you'll add my name to your long list of traitors who don't understand
And I'll look back in regret how I ignored when they said

'Run as fast as you can’

Dear John, I see it all now that you're gone

Don't you think I was too young

To be messed with
The girl in the dress

Cried the whole way home

Dear John, I see it all now it was wrong
Don’t you think nineteen’s too young
To be played by your dark, twisted games
When I loved you so, I should've known.

You are an expert at sorry
And keeping the lines blurry
Never impressed by me acing your tests
All the girls that you run dry have tired lifeless eyes
Cause you burned them out

But I took your matches
Before fire could catch me
So don’t look now
I’m shining like fireworks
Over your sad empty town

Dear John, I see it all now that you're gone

Don't you think I was too young

To be messed with
The girl in the dress

Cried the whole way home

I see it all now that you're gone

Don't you think I was too young

To be messed with
The girl in the dress

Wrote you a song, you should’ve known.

You should’ve known
Don’t you think I was too young
You should’ve known.

love me

Ah!! I HAVENT BLOGGED IN DAYS! I've been meaning to, really, it's just that I've been really tired, and.. lazy :(. Hm.. lets start from thursday!

I had another really terrible nightmare while I was asleep Wednesday night, and this one was by far one of the most frightening that I've ever had. Even recalling it in my writing sends chills down my back.. As usual, the dream skipped around a lot, and at one point I was at a really ghetto, classroom arcade and I was gloating over my 50 coin jackpot haha. Anyways, in the last part of my dream, I was walking with Angela Han on a 6 train subway platform/station. It wasn't your regular station though- it was a very chic, gothic looking one. All the tiles were made of black glass, and it was kind of elevated, like attached to the side of a building or something. I knew it was elevated because towards the left end, there was a gap where you could look down and see the 940349 stories under you. Apparently, the platform was a common suicide location, and since it was a dream, you know, it wasnt anything out of the ordinary. I would not see, but somehow feel that people near me were jumping off of that small crevice, and I could hear the thud of their bodies as it hit the pavement. So Angela and I were walking and talking, just ignoring everything around us, when I see a 30 something year old woman with curly blond hair, blue eyes, and crimson colored lips hanging off of the ledge. Her bag is next to her, and shes just kind of dangling there with her arms holding onto the tiles while her body is hanging down. She's about to kill herself, and out of nowhere, I feel very alarmed, like this woman is more important than the others or something. I try to reach out to her, but at that very instant, she sticks her tongue out at me, gives me a half smile, and drops. I hear her piercing scream as she falls, and the hard thud of her body as it hits the pavement a thousand feet below. I woke up from my nightmare scared crapless, and I had the hardest time falling asleep after, in fear that she might appear in my dream again. On my way to work a couple of hours later, I wrote a facebook status about it, and a LOT of people commented on it, reassuring me that everything would be okay and that they would pray for me. It was really unexpected, and I felt a little foolish for writing about something so private, but I realized that these people really cared, and that they were trying to help me. I haven't prayed at home in a while, but on Wednesday night, I prayed with a new found fervor, asking God to protect me from such vicious dreams. I dont know if this is me being delusional, but after praying in my bed, I felt a warm kind of peace envelop me as I fell asleep that night.

Low and behold, my prayers were answered, as I ended up having a very normal dream about getting my eyebrows threaded. I literally prayed as soon as I woke up, praising God for delivering me from such terrible things. I dont know if it was the prayer or what, but I felt pretty wonderful that entire day :) I went to work in a delightful mood, and the kids were being alright, even though it was a TKD day. They didnt whine as much, and after I dropped Kevin off, I took Eugene home, and although he must've been tired, he was being really cute and was being really talkative. Although I was on my phone the entire time and just answered him with bored "hmm .. really"s or "cool"s, he kept talking to me and was just being cute. He called my braces "those fossil things" and said that girls were "touchy" cause they always asked others how they looked hahaha.

Anyways, Friday was playdate day so I took the kids to the zoo. My feet were sore,the kids were being crazy and the sun was blazing down on my face but it was okay because it was payday HEHEHEH :). Anyways, after, I met up with Sharon and some of the minkwon kids at Red Mango in flushing. Ah. It was so awkward :(. Hopefully I'll get to know some of them better in the future. Sharon and I sprinted to the bus and made it to church at 730, although there wasnt really a prayer meeting to go :/. Pastor Stephen Jo spoke as our guest speaker, and I dont know about everyone else, but I thought he was so funny! I kept laughing out loud.. and I was the only one. Ugh, embarrassing! I think that he thought I was mocking him, but I genuinely liked his sermon, and I wish I had taken notes :(. For the past couple of weeks, I've been just bumming after FNA, but I played volleyball this week, and I am so damn glad that I did. Although it was for only 30 minutes or so, we played with a great group of people, and it was just really funny and blew off all the stress that I pent up this week. And to top things off, Aaron bought me a hoodie from UMich :)! Awesomeeeee.

Today, I was supposed to go to a BBQ or the beach, but both events got canceled so I ended up spending the day with my parents. I bought them (yes, I PAID :)!) Sizzlers for lunch, then we ran a few errands and I ended up getting a new Longchamp bag because my mom had some store credit that she desperately needed to spend. Afterwards, I went home and tried (and desperately failed) to learn calligraphy with the new pen and ink set that I bought. I just came home from exercising with my parents, and I actually ran two laps without stopping today! Whoohooooo. That's the equivalent of about 1.2 miles, finally making some progress after drowning in lazy mode after volleyball gym.

I AM SO EXCITED FOR TOMORROW BECAUSE I AM SEEING MY LOVE IVY WONG FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE SHE CAME BACK FROM MISSIONS. SHE, SHARON AND I ARE GOING TO WATCH A MOVIE AFTER CHURCH! Yay :). I love her. So much! She will never read this, but to my dearest Ivy, I love you! Thank you for being in my life =).

Goodnight, world!

white horse

Ah! It feels like this week is moving all too slowly.. Although its technically thursday right now, I'm writing this at 12 in the morning so lets pretend that this is wednesday evening :). Anyways, work wasnt as bad as yesterday, the kids were definitely a lot less cranky and so was I. We just stayed at Eugenes house and did the usual: writing, worksheets, reading, lots of break time.. hehe.

wasteland

Wow.. I havent felt this pooped in a WHILE... Today was by far my most tiring day of work yet. It was just a culmination of a lot of little things. I missed my bus and picked up the kids late, got lectured at a bit for giving the kids too much break time, and to top it off, the kids were being extra bratty and whiny today. Not to mention, they were soooo off-focus. They couldn't even solve simple math questions that they usually finished in seconds. AND I worked like 40 minutes overtime because Eugenes parents asked me to drop him off at a friend's house. Ughhhhh annoying! >:( Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

all we are

We won't say our goodbyes you know its better that way
We won't break, we won't die
It's just a moment of change
All we are, all we are, is everything that's right
All we need all we need, a lover's alibi

First day of "summer work"!
$320 this week, yes.

Also.. I've been having really weird dreams as of late..
A couple of nights ago, I dreamed that our church got into a war and that Chris Song beheaded Jun Cho with a scissor. I was crying hysterically cause I thought that our grade was all turning on each other..
The next night, I dreamed that I was going out with a kid at church (who is strictly a friend) and that I had cancer. I had a surgery, and when I asked my teacher how it went, she said "the doctor said it was half shady.. in fact, your doctor is kind of shady too.." and then i started hysterically sobbing because I didnt want to die..
THEN last night, I had a dream that I was in the HP world in Florida, except it was really.. magical. I stayed at a haunted hotel with my mom and my brother, and my excellent magical skills kept us alive. Weird!
I'm kind of looking forward to dreaming again today.. I wonder what else my mind is capable of conjuring up.

chasing cars

Resolutions for the summer:
- stop whining and complaining
- fix my posture
- read over 25 books during the summer (so far, I read eragon, eldest, brisingr, the lovely bones, and this burns my heart)
- spend time with girls
- write letters to people whom I owe letters to
- paint more
- be a good unnie to my underclassmen, both in church and in school
- push out at least 5 solid college essays
- take 3 practice ACT exams
- study for SAT II USH and Literature
- save at least $1200
- keep my room clean
- use my camera more often
- go on a lunch date with Glenn
- go watch another sunrise
- lose 10 pounds
- eat more fruits
- download some nice music
- do daily QTs and read the bible on a regular basis
- tell people that I love them
- stop spending money on stupid things (esp. comfort foods)
- think positively
- run at least 3 times a week
- go to the beach at least 5 times (one down)
- stop fussing over silly things
- stop being so damn sensitive and OCD
- watch lots of movies and laugh a lot
- go on a crazy adventure with sue
- sophia jins spa party whooohoooo
- spend quality time with my family
- plan my boston vacation
- go on a minication with the jersey girls and sharon
- stop spending so much time on the computer
- learn how to play more songs on the piano
- go on picnics

On a side note, I had a nice long conversation with my best guy friend today. It's nice, being able to say that you have a friend who truly cares for you and who you can actually be yourself around:).

here in my life

Today was pretty nice. I ate lunch at Kyochon with my mom and jihee and her mom and met up with Lois after. Then I went home and painted birthday cards for friends! :)

and I remember how You found me
in the very same place
all my failings surely would have drowned me
still You made a way

iris

And I don't want the world to see me,
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.

with everything

Dear you,
We don't even know each other too well, but you just lifted my spirits up to the heavens :). The genuineness and thoughtfulness of your written words have inspired me to pick myself out of this dump that I've been in and to really start trying again. Thank you. So much.

in my place

Nobody understands me. Even my friends and family. They try- oh they try so very hard, but in the end, nobody does. Only you do. Which I'm quite fine with you know. It just that it absolutely stinks when the poison is the cure.

the lovely bones

"Because horror on Earth is real and it is every day. It is like a flower or like the sun; it cannot be contained."

fearless

Bah! I was expecting today to be really crappy and lonesome but it was quite the opposite! Besides having a few self-realization-epiphanies during service, I enjoyed a day filled with beautiful fellowship avec mes amies. A bunch of us randomly went across the highway to buy food, then we ate it at church and bummed and ate bad tasting watermelon. After, the big group split and I went to PC bang for the first time in like 11 years with the guys. I kind of felt bad tagging along but it ended up being pretty fun AHAHHAHAHA Left 4 Dead scared the crap out of me! But it was a nice adrenaline rush. The senior (oh yuck) guys are so dorky. They make me laugh so much :). Anyways, I had a most terrible stomachache afterwards, but it was okay because I was content with everything else!

change

It was the night things changed
Can you see it now?
These walls that they put up to hold us back fell down
It’s a revolution, throw your hands up
Cause we never gave in
And we sang hallelujah, we sang hallelujah
Hallelujah

broken

My English teacher once said that authors, when the time comes to kill a character, choose to drown the ones they love most.

dare you to move

I went on a lovely IHOP and Paris Baguette date with Sue today :). Funny how God provides people like her right when you need them. Hm.

p.s- Pandora radio is on a roll right now, its picking literally all of my favorite songs. Go listen to the Boston (by Augustana) station!