falling

Senior year is slowly culminating, and I am in the midst of the weirdest roller coaster ride ever. Life is honestly pretty sweet in terms of my academic load and other petty things, but I think I'm delving a little too deep into this newfound freedom and independence. I'm starting to push away a lot of the things I grew so attached to over the years. Maybe it's a way of preparing myself for all the goodbyes that I'll have to face in the near future, I don't really know. I'm starting to grow very apathetic towards many things, which is probably why I'm able to let loose and have so much fun. I don't know where this is all going. I like it, but at the same time, I feel kind of drained and.. apathetic. I don't care anymore. Life is a neverending sea of laughter and sweat and tears, and I'm just floating amongst it's waves. Give me anything, and I'll take it at face value. I'm losing passion. It frightens me a little bit, because its one of the only things that's kept me grounded till now. Even now, I know what the problem is, but I am doing nothing to fix it. Apathetic. That's the only word I can ever say I truly feel nowadays. Apathy is me.

I hope that this is some kind of messed up part of senioritis that everyone goes through. I really hope it is.

la la lie

So tired.. so weary.. so apathetic.. so sick of everything. I just want to go to college. I need new beginnings.